Parenting fail today

Tonight Benjamin left at about 6:30 for well-deserved night out at a concert with a friend, which meant that I was alone for the big bed-time event. Miles today had been particularly willful and difficult for some reason (probably partly because he didn't nap, and partly because he has an ear infection), so I was concerned when I heard him rattling around in the bathroom while I was in the bedroom nursing Tommy. I called to him to ask what he was doing, and was pleased and slightly surprised when he yelled back that he was going potty. Suddenly, though, he started shrieking that there was poop on his foot so I was forced to put Tommy down (who of course started angrily crying) to go investigate the situation. What I found was that somehow, Miles had made it into the bathroom but only partially onto the toilet in time. There was poop all over the front of the toilet, the potty seat, the front of the bathtub, the bathmat, the tile, and Miles's feet, shorts, and underwear. Even a bath toy had somehow ended up amidst the mess. I did a partial clean-up of the toilet and Miles, sat him back on the toilet (how in the world that little body could possibly have any poop left in it was beyond me, though he insisted he still needed to go), and ran back to the bedroom to try and finish up with Tommy so that I could get him into bed and deal with the bathroom situation. After getting Tommy into bed, I returned to the bathroom to find that Miles had now also unraveled the entire roll of toilet paper onto the poopy mess on the floor. Of course I was frustrated about the whole thing, and put Miles into the bathtub and set about cleaning up the bathroom. He of course then started dumping water onto the mess and I just about lost it with him. I started angrily rambling on saying something like "don't you think I have a big enough mess without you pouring water all over" and was very gruff with him while I cleaned the bathroom and impatient with him while I bathed him. The whole fiasco took long enough that when it was all over it was basically time to go straight to bed. As I was tucking Miles in we were talking like we normally do, when he asked me this: "Mommy, do you love me even when I poop on the floor?" Of course that made me feel like the worst mother ever and I had to remind him that I love him all the time, no matter what he does, even if I am upset. Then he asked, "Does Heavenly Father love me even when I poop on the floor?" I wanted to weep! I felt horrible as I explained Heavenly Father's infinite and perfect love for him. I also explained that I am a very imperfect person and am trying really hard to learn to be as patient and kind as Heavenly Father, and that Miles could ask me to be patient if I was being grouchy. Fortunately, he seemed satisfied with my explanation and immediately fell asleep.

Anyway, I guess I felt the need to write this down because I want my kids to someday know that parenting is really really hard and that I am painfully aware of my many weaknesses, especially in that department. I want them to know that I really am trying and that I am determined every day to do better. Thank you for being the bigger person today, Miles. I love you.